The Lucky Pumpkin

What is it about us Midwesterners that makes us want to do everything ourselves? (Stubbornness, perhaps?) “No, no, you don’t need to help. You just sit there and relax!” I know I shouldn’t complain about this, but it really bugs me that my husband’s family won’t let me bring anything for holiday meals. I can cook fairly well, and am an excellent baker. I WANT to help. Every time I ask what can I bring, and every time I am told, “no.” Now, I do know about the book, “How to Speak Minnesotan,” by Howard Mohr. (Hilarious!) In the book he says that in “Minnesotan” you have to refuse anything at least three times to show you really mean it. So, I make my offer the perfunctory three times, and then I’m told I can bring two dozen rolls! (And they don’t want the homemade kind, either.) I was told this at Thanksgiving, too, but Bob intervened and said that we have to have Senator Russell’s sweet potatoes (he loves them,) and that we were going to bring them anyway. (Then we were told not to bring the rolls because that would be too much! Seriously? I can’t buy two dozen rolls?) I know that some of you would say, what’s the big deal? So, you don’t have to do anything. Who cares? I know, it’s just the idea of the thing, and I want to make something with Anna’s help to show her what that part of holiday preparation is all about, and also to show her about being in a family, and helping each other out. It’s like being invited to a pot-luck, but being told to bring the paper plates. It’s kind of a put-down. Don’t get me wrong, I love my in-laws. We chose to move back to Minnesota to be near them, instead of near my family who has moved to Colorado. I really do think it is part cultural, because I was the same way with my teaching. When I put on a program, I really didn’t want anyone else to help. It is sooooo much easier to just do it yourself. Upon reflection, I can see now that this is selfish. Allowing others to help keeps us a community.

Last night I went to a county meeting for parents of children with disabilities. Actually, by the time that Bob got home, I had missed the meeting, but I made it in time for the best part, the dinner celebration for one of the mom’s birthday. It was refreshing, and a really nice group of people. I felt so happy that Emily has Down syndrome and not a condition that doctors can’t identify, or that doesn’t have a prescribed course of action, etc. One mother told me that her kids were diagnosed with “failure to thrive.” I am sure that is hard for her to not have a reason for her children’s condition. Two other mothers had children who have seizures. They said that for some of the kids, the medications don’t work, or only work for a while. I have much to be grateful for. There are so many people who have paved the way for families like ours, who have a baby with Down syndrome. One of the many professionals who talked to us in the first few days after Emily was born said something like, “I know this isn’t much comfort to you right now, but as far as conditions to be born with, Down syndrome isn’t too bad. There are well-established support and advocacy groups, a prescribed course of action, and there isn’t any fighting with insurance companies, or later down the road, with the government for social security/medicaid benefits, if she needs them.” I thought to myself, sure, that’s easy for you to say. You don’t feel like you just ran full-force into a brick wall! But now I totally see what she was talking about. I am so glad that we don’t have to fight insurance companies. I really don’t think I could handle that!

We went to a very nice party for the children enrolled in the Early Childhood Special Education Program here in town and their families. I was so surprised at how many people were there. It was a really nice event and I wanted to put out a public Thank You to the teachers and staff. There were about ten classrooms filled with activity centers. Frosty the Snowman gave the children books donated by the Jaycees. It was so nice to see everyone enjoying their children, and the teachers enjoying our kids, too. When I go to the local Down Syndrome Support Group, so many of the parents are negative and down on the teachers and the school district. I know that the meeting is their place to “vent,” but it has been hard for me to listen to the negativity. We were actually told not to get our daughter any extra help when she is in school, because then the district would not do all they needed to do to help her. Are you kidding? I will do WHATEVER it takes to help my daughter. If she needs extra help after school, she will get it. She will not be a pawn in the I.E.P. wars. I will never forget what a professor once told our class in my Master’s program. He lived in St. Paul and his children attended St. Paul Public Schools. When someone asked him why he didn’t send his kids to private schools, he said that he and his wife, (also a professor,) felt that they were their children’s first teachers, and that they were responsible for making sure that their children were learning what they should be learning, even if that meant supplementing their education. They felt the diversity of students in the public schools was a hugely important factor in their children’s education. I know that the day might come when I have to stand up to the district to get my daughter what she needs, but I will remain grateful for the talented and committed teachers who devote their careers to helping our kids.