The Lucky Pumpkin

On a walk this evening, we bumped into a neighbor we haven’t met yet. The conversation turned to schools, and she told me some bad things about the catholic school. She said that she pulled her kids years ago because of a poor principal. So I told her that I was considering the school, but probably won’t let Anna go there because they won’t take Emily. I also added, “Wouldn’t you think that would be the place above all others that WOULD teach a disabled child?” I was so surprised at her quick and decisive answer of, “No!” After putting down the school two minutes before, she went on and on about how they can’t afford to do it. Blah, blah, blah! That is code for, “This is the best excuse we have ever come up with! If we say it is finances, we can get away with being prejudiced without appearing that that is what we are doing!” Like I have said before, if there is a commitment, it WILL happen. I don’t want to be like “The Secret,” but it is true that if you believe it can happen, it will. Henry Ford said, “If you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right!”

I think that she represents the majority of people in the church. They feel that everyone should be like them, and to be different is a bad thing. Well guess what, folks? Emily is different. She has more compassion in her little finger than ten of you have combined. Her Down syndrome is a blessing, not something to be shoved away, shunted to the public schools. She deserves everything that every other child has, including opportunities at education. What surprised me the most, was that her attitude was basically that Emily didn’t deserve the education, that it would be a waste to send her there. The truth is she DOESN’T need them THEY NEED HER!!! She is more spiritual than any of them. I don’t worry about her spiritual education at all, I just want her to be in a loving community of people who openly and actively love God. I guess I am learning that the Catholic Church is NOT that community.

The saddest part for the church, is that this neighbor was talking about how much money the church was in the hole, and how bad things were. I told her that if they started a program, more families would come, and it would pay for itself, or even make money. She really wasn’t interested in that, just like most of the people in the church. (What’s that? I am proving that you really are just prejudiced and elitist? That it is not a money issue when I can show you that it would MAKE money?)

So, I ask myself, “Why am I even trying?” Is family tradition that powerful and important? Is the love and approval of my in-laws that important? (Or, in other words, is keeping my father-in-law from dying from disappointment that important?) My wise piano teacher, Sr. Aimee, said that to change the church, you must do it from the inside. True, they won’t change for outsiders, but I also think that the church won’t change until it is forced to change. (That means when it is losing enough money.) I don’t think that will happen because there is a sucker born everyday who is all too happy to buy into the zealous harshness of the church, and will be too happy to give their money to feel like they have an excuse for their hatred.

What’s next for us?  Episcopal Church, anyone?

I am wondering why someone from the Vatican would be reading my blog. You are welcome to read it, I just find it odd that instead of getting out to work with the poor, and the poor in spirit, there are people out there scouring the Internet looking for dissenting catholics. Well, if reading my blog gives you insight into why so many people are leaving the church, or the real problem, are not financially supporting it, then read on. I would think that it would be obvious why this is going on, but maybe I am giving the church hierarchy too much credit. Perhaps they really are that out of touch with reality.

Let me give you another thing to think about. Today, I talked to a mother of a child with a disability. This child, unlike Emily, does not have any visible characteristics of her disability. She told me that they go to our church, “When they go,” because they don’t go much anymore. When they are there, they feel unwelcome. (Remember the church in Todd county MN, that got a restraining order against a longtime parishioner and her 13 year old son with autism? It is like that, minus the restraining order.) She said, that people give her dirty looks, so she takes the kids in the back behind the glass, so they can’t hear them, and people still turn around to stare!

What’s up, church? Restraining orders against kids with disabilities, ostracizing families of kids with disabilities, not educating kids with disabilities in your schools or in CCD, what’s next? I will continue to write about your stunning hypocrisy and your veering off the path that Jesus set for us; “Let the children come to me,” until you get your house in order. Oh, and of course, I will not give you one penny until these issues are resolved!!!!!

A couple of articles that I have read recently underscore how out-of-touch the Catholic Church is with reality. They illustrate how the archaic power structure breeds arrogance and the need for control. This article http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE5124E320090203?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0 tells about the former Hitlers Youth, (Nazi,) the Rat, Pope Benedict reinstated a bishop who had been excommunicated. This bishop denies the extent of the Holocaust, saying that he doesn’t believe there were gas chambers, and no more than 300,000 jews perished in concentration camps. Of course, the Vatican says that the pope does not deny the extent of the Holocaust. But, his actions show differently. Does he really think that it is appropriate to “rehabilitate” this bishop? Talk about arrogance! The pope alone can decide that someone like that should be able to lead a diocese? If you live in his diocese, run, run, run!!! (Or at least, don’t let you kids be altar servers. If he denies the Holocaust, I’m sure he also denies the fact that there are many priests who abuse children, and he would probably do what Bishop Loras Waters in the Winona diocese did, just sweep it under the rug, and move the offending priest to a different parish so he can ruin more lives!)

The other article was in the “Holy-Joe” newspaper that the church sends to our home. (That isn’t the name of it, I think it is called the “Servant,” but I am not sure.) This propaganda rag has a captive audience, people who are registered members of a catholic church in our diocese. (Probably other areas, too, I don’t know where it goes for sure.) There was an article written by a priest that made the argument that it is wrong for catholics to practice yoga! I am sure the church wants it’s members to be as tight in it’s muscles as it is in it’s “celebrating” of the mass. Let’s just all be tight-ass drones who follow like lemmings as we lead this church off the cliff! Check your brain at the door. There will be no need to think!

I am going to give my opinion that the only thing that will change the church is to withhold your money. If you can, speaking up about this crap will also help. They should know why young people don’t donate anymore. Silence breeds apathy. This kind of behavior led to eight years of poor “leadership” in the US. If you care about the church, like I do, it is time to speak up and protest with your pocketbook and your voice. I have been told many times that the church is not a democracy. As if a democracy would ruin the church because they think that we are all a bunch of “idiots.” Of course, the truth is that the church just wants to maintain control. As long as there is a large group who are willing to give up their control over their spiritual life, the church will be able to continue to create their own reality.

Well, here we go again. It looks like my favorite church, the “One True Faith,” the Catholic Church, is at it once more! This time it is a child with autism that is being discriminated against. There is a church in Bertha, MN, in Todd county (where Bob’s dad’s family is from,) that has a restraining order against a mother and her son to stop them from attending mass. Yes, that’s right, the same church that says no one can have an abortion, that all life is beautiful and to be RESPECTED, will not let this boy with autism go to church. They say he is a distraction and sometimes is “violent,” although we are not told what he does that is violent. Here is a link to the story. http://www.wcco.com/local/autistic.boy.church.2.727906.html

What is up with the church these days? I can’t believe that in 2008, we are still treating people like lepers. Leprosy was a feared and misunderstood disease in Jesus’ day, and he touched and healed the lepers and treated them with great compassion. Autism is certainly misunderstood by many, and obviously feared by this “man of God,” a term I use very loosely and with the greatest disrespect in this case.

I could go on and on about my views on this, but I am just frustrated beyond belief. I would like to say, “Oh, that’s just the views of one man who is uneducated in rural Minnesota,” but I know better. I was at my family support committee meeting tonight and we ALL had stories about being treated poorly in church because of our kids with disabilities. (And there were many different denominations represented.) Clearly, churches have deviated 180 degrees from where Jesus would have led them. Jesus was all about compassion, love, and “Do unto others,” not restraining orders against a child with a disability!

I challenge the catholic church to get on board and do the right thing not only in this case, but for ALL the children (and adults) with physical, developmental, mental, emotional, neurological, or any other kind of disabilities! I challenge the church to step up and to use the energy and resources they waste trying to defend their ridiculously stringent doctrines and channel it into creating new ways to support people with disabilities. After all, isn’t that the Christian (Christ-like) thing to do?

The cat came back, the very next day. The cat came back, we thought he was a goner,  But the cat came back, he just wouldn’t stay away! (American Folk Song)

Well, Reese came back! I guess after spending the day out in a snowstorm he realized that he could be inside sleeping on our bed and getting plenty of food and water. We saw him eating the food we left out, so we opened the door and he bolted under the porch steps. Then we brought out our secret weapon, Anna. She sat down on the steps with me and we started talking to Reese. He heard us and came out right away. She petted him and he followed her into the house! Reese is a sucker for the girls. They adore him and he adores them. I’m glad he came back even though we were getting pretty excited that we could get some carpets with him gone. (He has a problem with taking a bowel movement on carpets, so we give him his own carpet square in the basement by the litter box to go on. But if we have other carpets in the house, he sometimes will use them, too.)

Anna was so cute about Reese being gone. She said that she talked to God, “Through my head,” and asked Her to “Pick up Reese and put him back into our house.” I know that some people would have a problem with that statement, but I think it’s great! She told me before that God is a She, not a He. I explained that God has both a female and a male side. That to say God is just male or just female is to put a parameter on something that is, by definition, omniscient. (I didn’t use those words, but you get the idea.) I just hope that no one tries to squash her innate knowledge of God out of her by telling her that God is only male. Of course God has a feminine side! This is where we dropped the ball so long ago with organized religion. This is why catholics tend to worship Mary. It is from our inner knowing that there is also a female side to God.

Years ago, I took a theology class in High School that was offered for college credit by St. Mary’s University of Winona. It was taught by a priest who tried to make sure that girls couldn’t take the class by saying that the curriculum was the same as it would be for a first year student to become a priest. Our parents fought this to the school board, and he had to allow girls in the class. I am so glad that I took that class because I learned so much about what the catholic church truly teaches compared to what they want you to think is necessary to be a part of the faith. (You know, all of the misconceptions that are put out there by those trying to undo Vatican II. The church Bullies who call anyone who thinks for themselves and makes their own decisions a “cafeteria catholic.”) If you are interested in learning the truth, read Catholicism by Richard McBrien. Anyway, this priest told us that God is not entirely male. (I actually couldn’t believe my ears that a person who was so anti-woman would admit this.) He said that many theological scholars admit this, but that it is tradition to refer to God as Father, and it is just easier than devising a S/HE type of word, etc. There you go, straight from the horse’s mouth! By the way, this same class first introduced me to the writings of the rat, or then Cardinal Ratzinger. (Pope Benedict XVI today.) Very unforgiving, very harsh in tone, and in my opinion, very un-Jesus-like. I seriously wept when he was named pope because I feel that it is a huge step backward in moving the church to the direction of the true message of Jesus. (The Golden Rule.)

I have a plaque that hangs in my kitchen. It is says, “Give Thanks in All Circumstances” Thessalonians 5:16-18. I am not big on bible quotes in general because I believe that much of the bible has been edited, changed, or had parts thrown out, etc., to suit the political and social purposes of the Church over time. I also don’t think the bible should be adhered to as the literal word of God because it was written by human hands, and humans are not infallible, (Sorry, Pope!) and it is heavily influenced by the social and political times it was written in. (Does anyone who thinks for themselves really believe that God thinks it is o.k. to stone an unfaithful woman? Hello, did you read the ten commandments? How about number five that says, Thou Shall Not Kill? If the bible is all the literal word of God, those two contradictory things should not both be in the bible but they are. You see my point.) However, there are many beautiful passages in the bible, and this is one of them. Be thankful in all circumstances. This is something that I try to do in all aspects of my life, but some days are better than others. This, in a nutshell, has been the struggle of my adult spiritual life.

I am sitting here watching Oprah on tivo, and a lady is talking about how she grew up with physical and sexual abuse, but she is grateful that those things happened to her because it brought her to where she is today. Whenever I hear something like that I get a chill because it is my story, too. I endured much abuse as a child. Some physical, some sexual, but mostly emotional. What is emotional abuse, you might ask? It is never giving a child the love that she needs to grow into a whole person. Creating an atmosphere of tension to the point that everyone in the house walks on eggshells, constantly thinking ahead to forsee any pitfalls that might cause an explosion, and rushing to avert them. It is NEVER telling your daughter that you love her, EVER. It is making her feel that she is never good enough, that no matter how well she does, she could have done better, and then pointing THAT out to her instead of giving her a compliment. It is pointing out all of her physical flaws to the point that when she is almost 40 years old, you still give her all the articles you can find on weight loss when you see her because you can always look better! It is creating an atmosphere where your daughter dreads weekends because it means spending time with you, and is markedly happier on Monday mornings because it means five days of some time away from Tension Land. It is making your daughter feel that emotions are weak, and wrong, and not to be expressed. It is swearing at your spouse and making your daughter feel that she has to take sides. It is teaching your child that adults are always right, should never have to apologize and are within their rights to use any means necessary to get you to comply with their will. But mostly it is the failure to recognize that the precious jewel that is their daughter is a gift from God, and is to be treated with respect.

Which brings me back to Give Thanks in All Circumstances. I think that I can finally say that I am grateful that I had the childhood that I had for so many reasons. The most important reason is that if I had had an easy childhood, I don’t think that I would be the same person. My personality developed like it did because of my experiences. I can also finally say that I like myself just the way I am, flaws and all! (Of course, I am working on the flaws, but they are a part of me!) I am grateful that I have become even more empathic because of the pain I felt. I have learned what NOT to do as a parent, and as a spouse. Really living through it sticks with you more than if you just read it in a book. The quote that really helped me was by Malachy McCourt, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” It’s just not healthy for me to dwell on the pain anymore. My parents don’t feel badly about my childhood, and they never will. I can’t keep waiting for the apology that isn’t coming. I can only change the way I react to them.

I have been thinking a lot lately about education for both my girls, but for Emily in particular. It seems like it keeps coming up in conversations, and I get all upset about the situation. I feel like life is pulling me to take action. Here’s the issue. Bob and I both went to catholic schools from grade one-college. (Actually, the same catholic schools, but that is a story for another day…) Now, we are both very liberal on most issues, and the Catholic Church can hardly be defined as liberal these days, but strangely, we both remember a pretty liberal education. I guess the 70’s affected even the catholic schools! We really want a spiritual environment for our girls in their school. The most important thing is an environment where it is open and normal to pray and discuss God. But here’s the rub, Emily isn’t welcome in the catholic schools!!!!!! Yes, you read that correctly, the church that tells you to respect life will not support you or your child once you have the child with a disability! (Did you know that approximately 85% of people who find out they are having a child with Down syndrome have an abortion?) So, how do we handle this situation? Do we roll over and let the status quo be? I really don’t know. I have read about a wonderful program in Pittsburgh called the St. Anthony schools program which partners up with Duquense University. I wish our local catholic schools offered something like this! I am thinking of talking to the principal to see if they are willing to implement anything like this. I talked to the administrative assistant, and was basically told that they didn’t have the money or the space. (Imagine saying that to Jesus’ face if it was HIS child with Down syndrome, Oh, wait, it IS God’s child we are talking about, we are ALL God’s children!) I am going to offer to teach there for free if they will offer special ed. That will take away the money excuse. Now, we just have to see if they really want their school to be inclusive like their motto says, or if it is all talk. If anyone out there has faced similar issues, please let me know how you or your school handled it!