The Lucky Pumpkin

Well, I never thought that I’d live to see this day, but here it is! I have not talked to my parents since they left in the middle of March. My mom has called a few times, but I did not talk to her. She left a few messages, and I listened very carefully for an apology, but I never got one. So, she talked to Bob and invited herself and my dad back to our house AGAIN for a stay with no leaving date, AGAIN, and they invited someone else to stay with them, too. (The “someone else” is a long-time family friend, but still, it is inappropriate to invite someone to another person’s home!) My mom called today and said they were at their cabin, and were on their way over, and could they come? (Their cabin is about a half hour away from our house.) I told her, “That depends on whether or not you are coming with an apology.” Now, if you know me you would know how difficult it is for me to say that to someone. I have been a “yes” girl my whole life. I was certainly brought up to never question my parents, or to talk back. This was a victory for me in so many ways. I am so glad that I had the courage to say that to my parents. And, long story short, I got an apology from BOTH of them! Now, was it only because they wanted to see the girls? Probably, but hey, it is a HUGE step in the right direction! My father has never apologized to me before, ever. Not even an, “excuse me, I bumped into you,” type of apology. I know that this is not the spirit that the apology was given in, but I am taking it as a blanket apology for all of the crap they did to me and put me through in my whole life. I am pretty sure it is the only apology that I will ever get from them in my whole life, so I am savoring it and allowing it to soothe my soul.

Well, here we go again. It looks like my favorite church, the “One True Faith,” the Catholic Church, is at it once more! This time it is a child with autism that is being discriminated against. There is a church in Bertha, MN, in Todd county (where Bob’s dad’s family is from,) that has a restraining order against a mother and her son to stop them from attending mass. Yes, that’s right, the same church that says no one can have an abortion, that all life is beautiful and to be RESPECTED, will not let this boy with autism go to church. They say he is a distraction and sometimes is “violent,” although we are not told what he does that is violent. Here is a link to the story. http://www.wcco.com/local/autistic.boy.church.2.727906.html

What is up with the church these days? I can’t believe that in 2008, we are still treating people like lepers. Leprosy was a feared and misunderstood disease in Jesus’ day, and he touched and healed the lepers and treated them with great compassion. Autism is certainly misunderstood by many, and obviously feared by this “man of God,” a term I use very loosely and with the greatest disrespect in this case.

I could go on and on about my views on this, but I am just frustrated beyond belief. I would like to say, “Oh, that’s just the views of one man who is uneducated in rural Minnesota,” but I know better. I was at my family support committee meeting tonight and we ALL had stories about being treated poorly in church because of our kids with disabilities. (And there were many different denominations represented.) Clearly, churches have deviated 180 degrees from where Jesus would have led them. Jesus was all about compassion, love, and “Do unto others,” not restraining orders against a child with a disability!

I challenge the catholic church to get on board and do the right thing not only in this case, but for ALL the children (and adults) with physical, developmental, mental, emotional, neurological, or any other kind of disabilities! I challenge the church to step up and to use the energy and resources they waste trying to defend their ridiculously stringent doctrines and channel it into creating new ways to support people with disabilities. After all, isn’t that the Christian (Christ-like) thing to do?

We are having a BIG CELEBRATION here today!  We are having a potty party!  To use “mother-speak,” Anna has been going #1 on the potty for well over a year now, but would refuse to go #2.  For awhile she was withholding all together, and THAT caused a huge problem.  It was suppositories every fourth day for her.  Then, she would go regularly, but in her pull-up at night.  Finally, we have complete success!  We have the house decorated, a cake and balloons, and a present.  Whoo hoo!

My Mother-in-Law said that she would give Anna a potty party because Anna went to her daycare every once in awhile last year.  When we told her that Anna was ready, I asked if she wanted to come here, and she said she would have it at her house.  That’s good, but we aren’t going there for awhile, so we are having one here first.  So, I called her to see what she got Anna for a gift, because I didn’t want to duplicate gifts.  She asks why I need to know, and was a little upset that we were giving her a gift, too.  Excuse me?  Since when are gifts only for grandparents to give?  I am frustrated with both the grandma’s over this one.  My mom also told Bob to let me know that she got the girls some spring jackets.  Ummm, spring began a long time ago, and I bought the girls spring jackets in March!  If I were to wait until she comes at the end of May, the girls would be awfully cold right now!  I don’t mean to be ungrateful, but why is it a problem for me to get things for my girls?  It is partially about control on their part, and partially about wanting to be the most “favored” grandma.  What they don’t understand is that Anna is smarter than that.  Her favorite will always be “Papa Rochester,”  (Bob’s dad,) because he will play with her whenever she wants.  Oh, and by the way, he never gives her gifts.  She is more interested in your time and attention over “things.”  If only we all had her wisdom!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there! Even the non-traditional ones who don’t have children, but take on Motherly roles, such as teachers, day-care providers, or those who are “mothers” to their pets! (That can be the best kind to be, the pets don’t talk back and they love us unconditionally!)

I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want to be a mother. I have a memory book from my elementary school years, and every year I had to say what I wanted to be, and I always had “mother” as one of my choices. It seems as if my whole life was a preparation for the role of being a mother. First, I was a babysitter. I was the kind of babysitter that everyone wanted for their kids, so I was very busy. (As I said in an earlier post, I often feel that I was born grown-up. Those are the types of kids who make the best babysitters. They are mature beyond their years.) Then, I was a camp counselor. Then, I was a teacher. Finally, all of these roles culminated in becoming a mother!

So, you would think that my being a mother would be easy, a natural extension of all of my other career choices. Right? Wrong! It is definitely not easy! But, I do love it! I really do. When I first made the decision not to go back to work in the summer of 2006, I was surprised at how difficult that decision was. I knew that this was the direction that I wanted my life to go, and what both Bob and I wanted for our family, so why was it so hard? I think that we are all defined to some extent by what we do for a career. When you do something for fifteen years, it is hard to just give it up. I understand why some people are reluctant to retire. (I am NOT saying that being a stay-at-home mom is like retiring,) it is just difficult to transition to a different phase of your life.

I am happy to say that I do not regret my decision to stay at home at all. I am very grateful to have the chance to be Anna and Emily’s first teacher. They are both challenging kids in their own way. Anna is very intelligent, but very awkward socially. I know this is from her extreme shyness, so I know how to handle it because I was that way, too, when I was her age. I do think that if she was in a daycare, the chances are that most adults would not be so patient with her shyness, so I am really glad to be home with her. Of course, Emily has a different set of challenges. She requires extreme patience. She does progress, she just needs more repetition to get to her milestones. But, again, most adults do not have that kind of patience, so it is good that I am here for her.

I want to thank my daughters for allowing me to be their mother. It is the greatest honor that I have been given in this life. Thanks for being my “Dream Come True!” (Anna says that to me, isn’t that cute? She says, “Mom, you’re my dream come true!”)

I was just reading in Mpls St. Paul magazine (love that magazine by the way,) that there are 4000+ homeless school age kids in Minneapolis and St. Paul alone!!!! (That is just the school age kids as reported by the Minneapolis and St. Paul school districts. That doesn’t include infants and preschoolers.) That is totally unacceptable! Where are our priorities in this country?!? How many billions have we spent to kill Iraqis, and we allow our own kids to be homeless! How could you possibly do a good job in school when you are homeless? Does ANYONE in WASHINGTON even care about this? I know, it is just easier to sweep it under the rug. We should all be ashamed of our country for this.

I think that it would be a good idea for all policy makers to have to volunteer or teach in the inner-city for at least a year before they start their jobs in government. I really mean it. I think that it would help our government to get it’s priorities straight, and also it would help people to come up with some creative solutions to our problems. If you spend a year in the midst of the crisis, and you put a face on it, it is much harder to ignore.

I am vividly reminded of the four years I taught in inner-city Des Moines, IA. I know, some people have said to me that Des Moines doesn’t have an inner city, but I would argue that, indeed, it does. All major cities have an “inner-city” core that have the same problems that the inner-city areas of New York or Los Angeles have, just on a smaller scale. I remember one teacher that stood out as a shining star to some of these kids. She told me that she would give the kids paper and pencils and other supplies, and teach them how to keep it from pilfering neighbors or family members who would sell anything for drug money. (Des Moines had a bad meth problem when we lived there.) She would intervene when the kids’ power was turned off and they couldn’t get any homework done in the winter because it got too dark too quickly. We started an after-school program for the kids to keep them off the streets and to allow them to get their homework done and also have some enrichment classes.

My job in Des Moines was the hardest job I ever had, and also the most rewarding. I remember that I was so “green” going into this job. I had taught for two years in a rural farming community which did have poverty, but a very strong sense of community, so it was a completely different feel. Then I taught for four years in Rochester, MN, which was more like a suburban community in terms of socio-economic status. So I was completely unprepared for the inner-city experience when I first started. One day, a child named Johnny kept looking at a piece of paper during my class, so I finally asked him to go to the back of the class with me. (I had already learned not to question kids in front of the class, upholding your honor in front of everyone is of the utmost importance in an inner-city community.) I asked him what he was looking at, and he said, “A picture of my Dad,” and he showed it to me. It looked like an older version of the kid in front of me except that his dad was clearly standing in a jail cell. I was literally shocked speechless. Of course, people in prison have kids, too. It’s just that it had never entered my mind that this kid was dealing with something so huge. (And as the music teacher, I would almost never get information about things like that.)

I think about these homeless kids, and the kids like Johnny, and I wonder who is forming legislation to help and protect them? People who, frankly, are a lot like I was before I had the privilege to teach in the inner-city. People who ALWAYS had enough food to eat, and a roof over their heads, and clothes to wear to school when they were growing up. People whose ideas about poverty stem from their privileged upbringing. Are they really the “peers” of the homeless? It’s not that I think that they need to become homeless, but they definitely need to live or work in that community before making decisions, (or as is often the case, failing to make any decisions,) about what to do about the problem.

I am reminded of the American version of the show The Office, where Ryan who had never made a sale, is promoted to a regional manager position. Here we have a highly-educated person with no practical experience making decisions that appear to make sense on paper, but he forgets the human element. Such as when he creates the new website and expects the employees to use it for their sales and give up their commissions. The highly-educated people in Washington also make decisions that look good on paper, (No Child Left Behind, for example,) but show their utter lack of experience and knowledge in the reasons for and the possible solutions to poverty and homelessness.

Don’t our kids deserve better?