The Lucky Pumpkin

What is it about us as a culture that we have to use words in a nasty context to insult other people’s intelligence? First of all, why are so many of us so concerned with being smarter than other people, or indeed, being the smartest one of all? (Or at least the smartest one in the room?) If you are one of those intellectual snobs, please read Howard Gardner’s book on Multiple Intelligences. I know that the theory has been out for a long time now, but it obviously was missed by many. I have no problem with being smart, and trying to improve your knowledge every day. I do have a problem with people who call someone a “retard,” because they are frustrated with or angry at that person. With the exception of my kindergarten year when I rode the “special” bus to school, and some people called the kids “retards” when they got off the bus, I have never heard anyone use that word to actually insult a person with developmental disabilities. (This was a year before Public Law 94-142, which guarantees an education for kids with disabilities in the least restrictive environment. Many kids with developmental disabilities weren’t even educated before then.) I guess that people think it is o.k. to call someone a “retard” if they actually aren’t retarded, if they are just acting in a way that is perceived as “stupid.”

Other words people use that have also been historically used to describe developmental disabilities include, “idiot, imbecile, moron, and cretin.” (As a funny aside, Cretin is the name of the High School my dad went to! I remember asking him why they named the school that when it was a word used as a put-down. It turns out it was the last name of a Bishop.) I still catch my mother calling people “idiots,” and it makes me cringe. I tell her that years ago Emily would have been called that as a medical label. My parents also use “imbecile,” quite often. Sometimes I don’t feel that they deserve to be Emily’s grandparents.

Let’s stop insulting people’s intelligence. When you catch yourself using any of these words, “retard, retarded, stupid, dumb, idiot, imbecile, moron,” or even “cretin,” ask yourself why you need to feel superior to others. What are you getting out of it? Are you looking to let of a little steam? Please don’t do it at the expense of people who have developmental disabilities! (That is the proper term to use.) Especially don’t do it in front of children. They are sponges and will remember what you say. People with developmental disabilities are usually born that way. For example, Emily will never be able to just apply herself, and study hard enough to rid herself of Down syndrome. It doesn’t work that way. She can study, and apply herself, and work hard to reach her full potential, but she will always have Down syndrome. At this time, there is no “cure.” Let’s decide as a culture that we are NOT putting up with the intellectual insults anymore!

Emily had tubes put into her ears last Monday, and her hearing has been improving all week. She had fluid in her middle ears that was causing a 30 decibel hearing loss. In just one week we are already noticing a difference. She will turn when I call her name much more often now. Also, she has improved the enunciation of some of her words. She used to say, “aauugh duh,” for “all done.” Now, she says, “all duh,” which is a great improvement for one week. She noticed that she wasn’t saying the “L” in “all”. Another improvement has been in the word “more.” She used to say, “mmmo,” but now she says “mmmooorrree,” really drawing it out. She is getting all of the sounds in the word, though! Emily’s new word this week is “roll,” which she pronounces “rrrrooolllll,” again, really drawing it out while she rolls her hands for patty cake.

The interesting thing as a music teacher, is that all of these words have a melody in the way she says them. She copies our inflection and our pitch perfectly. We say “all done,” in a sol-mi pattern, and we say both “more,” and “roll,” in a sliding scale from low to high. I have to admit that we did not do this on purpose, but upon reflection, I definitely think that we should have! There are many studies that show that kids (and adults,) learn rote facts more quickly when they are put to music. (For example, the ABC song.) From our experience with Emily, it appears that this can be used for learning to speak as well.

Isn’t it amazing that God, the universe, or whatever you want to call the being that answers our prayers, is so wise? I usually petition to the feminine side of God, because I believe the feminine side is the emotional side, and I am usually in an emotional state when I am asking for help. I have been learning to end my requests with a caveat that says, “…if it will be for the best outcome for me (or us,) because I trust you to make that decision for my eternal self,” or something along those lines. I understand that God knows what lessons I need to learn much better than I do, and God always makes the best decision for me in the long run. It’s the “in the long run” part that is hard for me to accept. I also have recently discovered that when I pray something from my heart, and later have another prayer that is contradicts the first prayer and does not fully reflect what I feel in my heart, it usually is not answered in the way I want. For example, we have had a lot of drama these last two weeks trying to sell our house in Rochester. We all love that house. Emily was conceived there and came home from the hospital there. Anna took her first steps there, it is a great house. When we had to move, I prayed that the house would sell quickly, (that obviously did not happen,) and that someone would buy it who would love it. Well, two weeks ago we got an offer on the house. We negotiated, and came to an agreement. The buyer got the inspection on the last possible day, on the seventh working day after acceptance, and came back with a bombshell, asking us to buy 13 new windows! Are you kidding me? It has only been 2 years since we bought it! The house is in great shape, and certainly does not need 13 new windows! We said no, and he took another two days to tell us he was walking away from the deal. Good riddance! We then found out from our realtor that the buyer’s girlfriend really wanted the house, and that he didn’t think it was the right house for him. He was just using the 13 windows as an excuse to walk away from the deal. The inspector said that 4 windows needed attention, but not needed replacing. Four windows is very different from thirteen! Well, thanks for putting our house on the “pending” list for two weeks right during the prime buying season, you jerk! Anyway, to get back to my first point, it is clear that this buyer did not love the house, and therefore was not the right buyer for us. Believe me that I prayed plenty for this sale to go through, but it was for convenience for me and not prayed with the same selfless intention that my original prayer had. I trust that God is bringing the right buyer to our house soon, but it sure is hard to wait.

Happy Father’s Day to the father of my children!  You are a terrific father!  The girls are so lucky to have you as their Dad!  Both girls are so happy and excited when you come home from work.  What a nice compliment that is to you.  Anna always wants to run out and see you, and to keep you all to herself.  Emily practically squirms with excitement, and does the sign for Dada.  Even though it is nice to come home to all the love, it must be tiring for you, and I want to say, “Thank you,” for always giving your time and attention to the girls.  You always are there for them right up until bedtime, and then you help to clean up afterwards.  The girls are learning so much from you; how to be a good person, how to be kind to others, to respect themselves and others, how to laugh and not take life too seriously, to explore their world, and most of all, they are learning to choose a husband who will respect them because that is the way you treat them.  I know that we are supposed to give you gifts on Father’s Day, but you are giving them a gift everyday of their lives.  What a wonderful legacy!  We love you!

Here is a quick update on Emily. She has had three bad days in a row. Tomorrow will be better, right? She still has no teeth, but she has been working on some for a long time now. She is refusing to eat, or will eat very little, and I am hoping this is the reason why. Dental pain is so, well, PAINFUL! When I had a crown put in a few years ago, I couldn’t believe the sharpness of the nerve pain. Hopefully teething isn’t as bad as an angry nerve, but it isn’t fun, either. The other problem that she has is that she needs tubes in her ears. She is having them put in next week, but until then, there is a lot of pressure built up in her middle ears. She has been throwing her head back, and I think this is why. I think she feels pain in the middle ear, so she tries to “shake” it off by throwing her head back. Then she hits the high chair, and that hurts her head, so she just starts wailing. I can’t wait until these issues are resolved. The audiologist said that Emily has 30 decibel hearing loss because of the fluid, so her speech should improve with the tubes! She has started saying, “All done!” when she is done eating. She is also getting up on all fours and now she is pulling her knees in so she is in a perfect crawling position. So, she continues to progress even though she is in a lot of pain! Go Emily!

What is it about some people that makes them think that they can push food on others? Our family friend that I mentioned in the last post has been here this week, and I really like her, mostly because I have a long history with her, (I have known her since I was three,) but she really annoys me when she pushes food on me. I will give you a little background info about our relationship. When I was three, my family lived in a twinplex, (duplex, for those of you in other parts of the country,) and we rented the other side to our friend, D, and her mom. D was going to school at Mayo, and we would go over to her side to keep her mom company, (and to eat her mom’s cookies!) She was one of those naturally thin people who really do not understand what the world is like for the rest of us. She would always talk to me about my weight while I was growing up. I think that she thought that because she was in the medical field, that she could give me unwanted advice. (As an aside, I was “plump,” while growing up until Jr. High when I went on a starvation diet and kept the weight off for a long time. Looking back, I wasn’t that heavy, especially by today’s standards, but what matters is how you see yourself, and I always saw myself as fat, mostly because my mom told me so.)

Anyway, to get back to my point, fast forward about 30 years, and D is STILL trying to talk to me about my weight. On the one hand, CONSTANTLY bring up the sugar busters book, and how I need to get it, and is there a bookstore in our town because she wants to buy me that book, etc. The truly funny thing is that I have been off sugar for over a month, and have lost seven pounds this month! I am really proud of myself and I feel great! But D is just zooming in and out for the week, and has no clue to what I have been eating or even that I have lost weight. She hasn’t seen me in over ten years! But to top it all off, she has been pushing me all week to EAT SUGAR! How strange is that? I mean, she literally almost pushed a cookie in my mouth because my mom made cookies and I was being rude by not eating one! This just goes to show that people REALLY do NOT want other people to change! They see it as threatening to their perception of you, and if that changes, then their safe view of the world changes, too. This is one reason why it is so hard for some people to lose weight. The people around them do not always support them. They are invested in you playing the role you have always played, so that they can keep their role, and of course, in their mind, their role is “higher” or “better” than yours! They will be your friend as long as you are “below” them in social status, or economic status, or beauty, or weight, or whatever. Well, world, change your perception of me because I am changing myself to become healthier in body, and stronger in mind, and I will not let you “push” food or your perceptions of me upon me anymore!